Pain Threshold
by She-Goes-Left
Summary: Abby and Tony in an emergency room at 1 AM. Enjoy.


"Owowowow!"

"Don't be such a baby Tony. There." She patted his head. "All done!"

"Thanks." He peered into the reflective surface of a window. He couldn't see much; just a vaguely beige oval and the big purple spot where Abby had applied the band-aids. First Aid wasn't her strong point.

"I hope this doesn't distract the surgeon."  
"Aww. Do you want a wowwypop?"  
He perked up. "Are you offering?"  
"Already checked, the candy machine is broken."  
He slumped. "Figures."

Abby sat back, wiping discarded bits of band-aid of her skirt. "I hate to break it to you Tony, but you're a complete wimp."  
Tony's eyes jerked from the nurse's ass they had been following. The morphine was having an unfortunate effect on his hormones.  
"Am not!"  
"Are too."  
"Yeah, what was it I heard about you hand-cuffing yourself to Gibbs to stop him leaving?"  
"That was emotional pain, Tony."

He snorted.  
She got a sly look on her face. "You wouldn't see Ziva sitting here complaining, would you?"

"No, because she would have yanked it out and thrown it at them. Then sewn up the wound one-handed."

There was a moment of silence. Tony leant over and poked her. "What time is it?"

"1:04am. Got about twenty minutes before they said McGee's surgery would be finished."  
"See, this is why McGee should have stayed fat. It would be much easier to pull the nails out of his butt."

**Whack**

"Don't be mean to McGee's butt."  
"Ow! Go easy on the guy with a screwdriver through his hand."  
"Whose stupid idea was it to chase those guys through a DIY store?"

"That would be mine."  
"Oh. Hi Gibbs!"  
"Hey Boss, how's it hang…er, going?"  
"Fine."

There was an awkward pause. Abby found the ceiling very interesting. Gibbs looked like he was seeing a midget rodeo in his coffee cup.  
Tony looked at him beadily.

"I don't suppose you want to sit down, right?"

Gibbs gave him a look that promised flowers. On his dead body.  
Tony decided he agreed with Abby, the ceiling _was_ interesting.

Gibbs tossed his coffee in the trash then looked at Abby. "I'm going back to NCIS to interrogate the dirtbags. Stay with meathead here until he goes into surgery."

"Yes Boss." She said meekly to his retreating back.  
There was a moment of silence.

**Whack**

"Hey! What was that for?"  
Abby gave him a look. "Mentioning his unmentionables."  
"But I didn't!"  
"Yes, but they're Gibbs's unmentionables. They're even more so." She poked his nose. "Don't even **think** about them."  
He batted her hand away. "First of all, I could have lived a long and happy life without those particular mental images. Second, he shouldn't have fallen in the cactuses, should he?"

"You should not have fallen into him, Tony."

Abby's jumped up and gave Ziva a bear hug.

"You're alive! _And_ you look like a mummy!"

"...Is this shirt unflattering?"  
"No, an Egyptian mummy."  
"Oh, that's alright then."  
Tony leered. "Oh yeah, Ziva would make yummy mummy —"

He ducked the fist.

"Nyaha, you missed!"

Her uncovered eye glowered. "Just wait until I get my depth perception back. I will put that screwdriver in places you have not even dreamed of."

Tony blinked "Is it wrong that I was vaguely turned on by that?"

Ziva looked at Abby, raising her eyebrows.  
"Too much morphine for Tony. Hormones all over the place."

"Ah."

There was something distinctly bloodstained hanging from her hand.

"You're still carrying the saw around?" Tony looked ill.  
"It's evidence, Tony."  
"They removed it from your face, Zee-va."  
"Good thing you were wearing that swat helmet," observed Abby.

"Hey, Ziv…."

Tony blinked. She'd gone. There was a flurry of movement behind him, but before he could check a harassed nurse hurried past

Tony turned to the hunched form behind his chair.

"Ziva?"  
"What?"  
"Um….are you hiding?"  
"Perhaps."  
"Ok…Why?"  
"He wants to poke me."

Abby jerked around. "Really?"

"With a needle."  
"Oh. That's no fun."

Tony cackled. "Big bad Ziva David is scared of a needle?"  
"Is there a problem with that?"  
"No, it's just this is coming from a person who voluntarily let someone beat her up so she could get a confession."

She shrugged. "Whatever works."

"She broke your ribs!"  
"Wouldn't be the first time."  
"Mossad training must be fun." Abby muttered.

Ziva ducked as the nurse came back, but unfortunately Abby waved him over.  
"Well, aren't you just the cutest thing in scrubs," she said admiringly, poking him in the chest.  
"Uh... Abby?"

"What? How come only you're allowed to pick up hot nurses?"

The nurse looked confused, then caught side of a sulking Ziva. "I'm sorry Ms. David, but we really need to boost your tetanus shot."

Ziva grumbled, and allowed the nurse to escort her back to the needle.

Abby sat back down. Her foot tapped against the linoleum.

Tony sighed dramatically. "What's the time now?"

"1:27am. Not long."

"Poor McGoo. Never saw that nail gun coming."

"I wonder why Ziva doesn't like needles."

"That may have been me."

"What?"

"I told that story about the guy who had air injected into his blood and his head exploded."

"Oh, I love that story! It would never work, but still. How cool would that be?"

"I was actually trying to freak out McGee. Didn't work though. I think he's getting smarter."

"I know. He didn't fall for our 'we're not having sex, we're just having trouble installing a hard drive' conversation either."

"He probably picked up when you were faking from when you went out."

**Whack **

"Okay, now you're just being mean."  
"If he dies under the anesthetic, how will you feel?"

Tony considered his options.  
Too long.

He grabbed Abby's hand before it could lift. "If _I _die under the anesthetic, how will _you_ feel?"

Abby came right up close, batting her eyelashes. "I don't know Tony. How do you want me to feel?"

His mouth opened slightly. Then he shook his head violently.

"Oh come on Abby, that's not fair."  
"Ha! I win."  
"Yeah, but I got the booby prize." He considered the mental image in his head. "So to speak."  
"In your dreams."

"Anthony DiNozzo?" A resident in freshly pressed scrubs appeared to his left.  
"Here, accounted for, and totally turned on."  
"Uh...they're ready for you."  
"Sure."

He turned to Abby. "In my dreams, huh?"

She smiled.  
"I'll be waiting."


End file.
